Just got back from co-directing a four day retreat for high school junior and senior girls. It was an awesome weekend, a great privilege and honor to serve others. I still need some time to process some of the powerful experiences I was graced to witness and be a part of. I hope to post something someday on them.
Checking up on all the email in my inbox today, this quote from Daily Dig was at the top:
A seeker challenged Imam Sadiq, “Convince me of the existence of God.” Knowing that the man had traveled the seas, the Imam asked him, “Have you ever been caught in a fierce storm in the middle of a voyage, your rudder gone, your sails torn, your vessel in danger of capsizing, and no land in sight?”
The man replied, “Yes.”
The Imam then asked him, “Yet was not there always, despite your black despair, a glimmer of hope in your heart that someone, somewhere—some unnamed and unknown power—could still save you?”
“Yes,” the man answered again.
To which the Imam replied, “That power is God.”
I’ve seen this recently, more than once. On this retreat, I had some time to reflect on the depression I had endured from late January to early March. I still get a day here and there that scares the hell out of me because these moments feel like I could so easy slide right back into that valley of utter darkness of ache, despair, emptiness, and loneliness.
Saturday night on the retreat was one of those moments. I could sense those feelings slowly raising like flood waters. Fear gripped me at the hopeless in stopping the advance. How deep was the water going to get this time? If it’s over my head again, how long will I be able to tread water? I’m not ready for another period of desolation so soon.
I thank God that I was there at this retreat for this little flood of negative emotions and feelings. God had placed the right people at just the right time to be there to provide me a sacramental moment for healing. Thank you Lord. This little flood washed away some of the mud and grime that was covering up some broken pieces of my heart. And many of these pieces had (have?) some ugly, jagged, and painfully sharp edges.
With grace and hope and love of Jesus, of friends, of students, and of family, the healing is beginning once again. Thank you all…