CowPi Journal

I occasionally venture into the blogsphere. About a week ago, I found this except posted by Julie from the book, Caring for the Dying With the Help of Your Catholic Faith by Elizabeth Scalia. I immediately copied and pasted it in an email to a friend and co-worker whose father had recently refused treatment after fighting for years against several debilitating diseases.

The Long Tunnel
Some people say the process of dying involves the appearance of a long tunnel through which one passes, moving toward the light. Just as those who report back from a “near death experience” say they felt “pushed along” through a tunnel, you may feel like you are being “pushed along” by circumstances, and unable to halt the forward motion — a prisoner of sheer momentum. You would be right. As the journey’s end nears, there seems to be no further chance to hit the brakes or to pull back a bit.

This is a scary feeling. A new skier would never attempt an advanced trail, and yet here you are moving through this experience at a breathtaking pace. Everything seems out of your control. This might be a good time to make an assessment of what you can control. You can control being wholly present to a person who is dying. That doesn’t seem like very much, but it is everything.

Together with Our Lady
When Mary, the mother of Jesus, was told that her Son had been arrested, her world also began to spin out of control. In truth, you are very much Mary’s companion right now, just as she is yours. What you are living through, she has survived:

• Just as your access to your loved one is decreasing as their need for sleep increases, Mary’s access to her Son was closed off.

• Like you, Mary had to stand by and watch helplessly while her loved one took on the “job of dying.”

• Like you, Mary had to watch the one she loved let go of her to take His leave.

• Mary, too, had to let go, and to trust that she would see Him again.

• As you lean on family and friends, remember that Mary had John and Mary Magdalene beside her for support.

• After Jesus’ death, Mary had to live and eat and worship with an imperfect “family,” some of whom had let her—and her Son—down. It is not really a unique experience, as families go.

Being “wholly present” may not feel like you are doing very much. It may seem like a pitiful amount of “control” for an adult to have over any person or event. But as Mary taught us, being “present” to another person has power. It is saying, “I will be a witness to your whole life and death, so that all you are and have been will remain in me,when you have gone. And I will help you say goodbye.”

Being wholly present to a dying person is a great responsibility, one that requires all the control of which you are capable.

My friend’s father passed away Thursday and the funeral was today. I know words are little help, put some words are better pointers to the Word—the one Word that can and does help.

Father, have mercy on Bill. May he be joined with You and all of your saints. Please bless his family. By Your Paschal Mystery, transform their loss into blessing, and draw them deeper into relationship with each other and with You.

From Br. Joseph —

This is the third reflection on seven signposts for the season of Lent (and for all seasons).

Surrender to grace.

This signpost comes from a line in the book, The Lord by Romano Guardini. (A highly recommended book full of short, deep reflections on nearly every episode of Jesus’ life.) Although the sentence was referencing something specific, it applies to everything.

God’s grace rains down upon us every moment of our lives. A student once told me she likes to dance in the rain, and when she does, it feels like she is touching heaven, maybe even touching God, as the raindrops wash over her, re-baptizing her in His love.

God’s grace “reigns” down upon us every moment to open our eyes to see Him and His love for us, calling us into a deeper relationship with Him. We resist. We need to stop resisting. We need to surrender to this grace. Not surrender as in give up, but rather as in give over. Instead of swimming against the ocean currents of God’s grace, we need to learn to float in God’s ocean. Just as floating is not passive, surrender to grace is not passive. It requires action, teamwork, choice—much like a dance. Perhaps St. John said it best in his Gospel, surrendering to grace is abiding in God’s love.

Surrender to grace also means to stop resisting the present moment. Enough grace will be given to you to get through whatever you need to do. In other words, do what is right when you see that something or someone must be attended to—this is an opportunity given to you to love, and God will help you through it.

Keep hope alive.
Dare to trust.
Surrender to grace.

Our Lady of Mercy is praying for us…

From Thursday’s collect in Thomas Merton, A Book of Hours (emphasis added):

My mind is scattered among things, not because of my work, but because I am not detached and I do not attend first of all to God. On the other hand, I do not attend to Him because I am so absorbed in all these objects and events. I have to wait on His grace. But how stubborn and slow my nature is. And how I keep confusing myself and complicating things for myself by useless twisting and turning.

What I need most of all is the grace to really accept God as He gives Himself to me in every situation.

— Thomas Merton, originally from Entering Silence

Father, help me to accept You as You give yourself to me in every situation, in every moment.

Surrender to grace —
     not give up but give over.
Live in the present moment —
Learn to float with, not swim against,
     the current of the present moment.
To accept the gift of now —
Not as I would want it,
     but how it is.
Stop resisting —
Receive…
     and then give thanks.

From Br. Joseph —

This is the second reflection on seven signposts for the season of Lent (and for all seasons).

Signposts give us direction. They point to some place. They involve action, movement. Many signposts call us to remember something important, some thing that is already there but is often covered up by the minutia of daily life. Signposts represent a choice—to follow or not to follow. It takes grace to see a signpost and courage to follow where it points.

Dare to trust.

This signpost is a shortened form of the phrase “dare to move faith to trust”. The idea comes from a line in a short essay by Jon Zuck, “It is Not About Belief”.

In the New Testament, the Greek word pisteo is almost always translated as belief or faith. However, it also means trust, and in the Gospels, it is this trust in God that Jesus means by the word faith. Think about this a moment, “Oh ye of little faith” becomes “Oh ye of little trust”.

Scripture often talks about the “fear of the Lord”. This has nothing to do with the emotion of fear. Fear and trust do not go together. According to Fr. Thomas Keating, “fear of the Lord” is a technical term meaning right relationship with God. It should be thought of as amazement, wonder, awe. (Awe as in awesome, awestruck; terrifying as in terrific, great, intense.)

Believing in God is one thing (a very important thing); trusting God is another. Both are part of faith, but the real test of faith is not believing, it is trusting. In trusting God, faith is purified, made perfect.

There will be times in your life when nothing in your experience will confirm, support, or backup faith. Your faith will seem to stand alone at a crossroads. A choice must be made. The world says one thing; faith says another. Which one do you trust?

Patience with others is love;
Patience with self is hope;
Patience with God is faith.
     — Adel Bestauras

Keep hope alive.
Dare to trust.

Our Lady of Mercy is praying for us…