I Have No Defense

God, I have no defense.
I am lonely and miserable—
      for no real reason.
How can I spread your love
      when I don’t have it?
How can I spread to others your joy
      when I am not joyful?
Why? How? What must I do?

Father, I’m tried. Please. Forgive me.
Father, forgive me
      because I fail to be sincere,
      genuine, repentant, loving,
      selfless, trusting, committed.
I have questions
      that I love to pester myself with
      and my fruitless worries weigh me down
      until I can no longer smile.

Lord, turn my eyes to you.
Let me be content
      to live with my questions
      and let loose my worries
      in your presence.
Enable me to love and to live in your joy.
Enable me, Lord, and then consume me,
      so that my actions are your actions,
      so that my heart is your heart.

To you, Lord, I pray. Amen.

— Andrew Spidahl (modified)

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