Abba Anthony said:
Whoever sits in solitude and is quiet
has escaped from three wars:
those of hearing, speaking, and seeing.
Then there is only one war left in which to fight,
and that is the battle for your own heart.
— Sayings of the Desert Fathers
First, to begin even to approach an awareness of this battle for the heart, there must be some sense of solitude and silence, exteriorly and interiorly. Then, I wonder what the nature of this battle for the heart is. Is it between good and evil, for God or for the devil? Or is whether to choose to keep the gift of my life, of my existence, for myself, or give it back to God? Am I going to live as me first or God first?
A line from the Casting Crown song, “Somewhere in the Middle”, comes to mind.
Just how close can I get, Lord,
to my surrender without losing all control?
Can I retain some control and surrender this much to You? Didn’t think so. Maybe that is why Scripture calls You a jealous god? I’m glad You are. You want all of me. Thank You for your patience while I slowly move over for You to move in.
Who’s will to follow?
Help me Father to pray from the heart the prayer of Gethsemane—not my will, but Yours be done.