Yesterday evening, I was reading this certain book by a particular author who was opening windows and doors for me to paths of insights into metaphysics, mysticism, the mystery of God, etc., when all of a sudden, in one paragraph, red flags and klaxon sirens went off in warning. My stomach knotted up, my pulse quickened, a wave nausea engulfed me. A rug had been pulled out from underneath me and I now sat on the floor. What to think? What to believe? This one paragraph has wrecked it all. It’s one of those deal-breaker statements. Can I salvage any thing from the other parts of the book? Do I finish the book? Does any of the author’s ideas still have merit? Are all these windows and doors to paths of insight tainted?
I stumbled upon this prayer of lamentation and humility posted this morning on a weblog I used to visit when I read weblogs regularly. It seems to fit well with my mood today. Another reminder to keep my eyes focused on Jesus, always…
Mystify us, arouse and confuse us. Shatter our illusions and plans so that we lose our way, and see neither path nor light until we have found You, where You are to be found and in Your true form—in the peace of solitude, in prayer, in submission, in suffering, in succour given to another, and in flight from idle talk and worldly affairs. And, having tried all the known ways and means of pleasing You and not finding You any longer in any of them, we remain at a loss until, finally, the futility of all our efforts leads us at last to leave all to find You henceforth, You, Yourself, everywhere and in all things without discrimination or reflection.
For, how foolish it is, O Divine Love, not to see You in all that is good and in all creatures. Why, then, try to find You in what you are not.
— Jean Pierre de Caussade, The Sacrament of the Present Moment