Nothingness

Is the nothingness I yearn for
a return to the comfortable nothingness of the womb,
or a step forward into the unknown
of total giving, of emptying myself to You?

Is this want from my egoic,
fear and attachment-driven empirical false self,
or from my shy true self that knows itself
to be in, of, and with You?

The one is caused by fatigue,
total tiredness of struggling in the world,
frought with frustions of a feeble will.
The other is from desire to be,
to be with You, to let You fill me.

One is retreat, resignation, giving up.
The other is giving over.

One is about self.
One is about other.

One leads to apathy and hell.
One leads to love and heaven.

Lead me to You.