Last week, my quote on the corner of the chalkboard in my classroom was:
You have to unzip your heart before you unzip your pants.
Written in parenthesis under the quote was, “In other words, why would you trust your most precious sexuality with someone you do not trust with the secrets of your heart?”
I would have never done that when I was a public school teacher. I am a different person now. I wonder if I would?
I let my principal know about the quote. I didn’t want her to be surprised by any parental phone calls. She supported me a 100%. She never did get any phone calls.
In every class, it was always a female student who made a positive comment about the quote. They seem to appreciate someone reminding them that it is still okay to set boundaries and to stick to them.
The guys were strangely quiet on the issue, but it applies to them just as much as it does the gals.
In one particular class, the guys were a vast minority. There was only three guys present that day. The fourth was absent. I sensed one of those teachable moments, so I kicked the guys out into the hallway for about four minutes. I told my female students, who were a little giddy with anticipation, that I was going to be frank with them. That I wanted to talk with them much like a caring uncle or big brother. One of them asked if I had this talk with my own daughter. I said yes.
I told them that guys only want to get into your pants. They already knew that. I told them they will do anything to get in there. They will say, do, beg, plead, anything. And if you say no, they will pout like little boys. They will buy you things and give you extra attention. They will say sweet things to you. You will like this attention. You may come to crave and depend on this attention. BUT, set your boundaries. Respect yourself first because they only want to use you.
If you say no and the guy disappears, then he was not worth it. If you say no and the guy sticks around, then he respects you. He might be worth it.
I also said that as a teacher in a Catholic high school, it is my responsibility to tell you to wait until marriage for sex. Sex complicates a relationship. You hear about all the rules the Church seems to have about sex. It is because they realize how precious this gift is. Sex is such a beautiful and wonderful gift. Don’t waste it. Don’t squander it. Marriage is suppose to protect it, nurture it. It takes deep trust to really reap the benefits and joy from sex. Anything less, is well, less. You would be selling yourself short when it is worth so much more.
As I walked to the door to let the guys back in, I told the girls that I just didn’t want them to get hurt. Sex has a way of hurting people. Deep hurts that take a long time to heal. Set your boundaries.
As I write his journal entry, it seems to me that despite what our contemporary culture says about sex, it is still about gals protecting their virginity while guys try to figure a way to lose theirs. Our modern culture has just made it much easier for girls to buy the lie and give it up to the guys.
Maybe that is why I just cringe when I see a sixteen year old, or any woman of any age, wearing a Playboy bunny emblem. They do not realize that they are giving up their personhood and asking to be treated like an object. The need for attention at any price?