CowPi Journal

I’m going to try a little experiment with this journal. They are called fragments. To borrow Christine Castro’s word with a slightly different definition:

Fragments are “skinny slivers of life sliced and stored”: moments of captured thoughts and words that surprised me because they came out of my mouth, or at least into my head.

I will not take credit for these words. I do not claim originality of thought. They are ruminations and synthesis of other people’s words, glued together to seek another arrow of insight, hopefully guided by the Holy Spirit.

I have been thinking lately about forgiveness. I pause when I get to the line in the Lord’s Prayer, “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”
I wonder about past hurts. I have prayed for help to forgive. Only by grace can I forgive. I say the words, “I forgive.” I think I have forgiven. It mostly feels like I have forgiven.
When I reflect on certain past hurts, they still ache, sometimes a lot, sometimes a little, sometimes not at all.
Once forgiven, always forgiven?
I hope so, but sometimes I pray the words again, “I forgive.”
Forgiveness only needs to be given once. Healing is what takes time. Healing is a process and can only begin after forgiveness is given. Maybe sometimes praying the words again is needed to help the process of healing along.
I wonder if I still hold any unforgiveness. They are foundation stones to the walls I build around my heart, the walls that I want to tear down, to be open to God and to others, to be free and to be real.
I scan the surface of my heart and do not see any remaining. I peek under and see none. I hold my breath and dive deep. Nothing. Or at least, I do not see anything that “appears” needing forgiveness.
I sense that some thing, perhaps many things, are lurking, hiding some where, perhaps in disguise.
I whisper to God to please show me any thing in my heart that still needs forgiveness. I want to forgive all. I do not want to bind anything or anyone.
Part of me fears what God may show me. Part of me wants to face it, acknowledge it, step through and into it, and emerge on the other side transformed, all with God’s grace.
Forgiveness is not unlike surrendering. Not as resignation but as an act of the will, a choice to let go. To let go of what? Control, possession, identity, pride?
Surrender requires trust—faith and hope.
Forgiveness requires the same trust—faith and hope, plus love.
I believe God is answering my whispered prayer. I should not be surprised at what I think I am beginning to see, but I am. It just might be the hardest person in the world to forgive. Only by God’s grace.
I trust you Father. I trust in Your love. I surrender to You. I am Yours. I know You have forgiven me. Help me forgive myself.

Yesterday, we helped our oldest child buy her first car. She’s a sophomore in college and the time has come when she really needs one. Plus we are, or at least she is, tired of borrowing the family mini-van.

Today, while she was at work, I placed several magnetic ribbons on the back of her brand new car.

She hates those ribbons!

They are a big pet-peeve of hers. She always makes fun of cars that have them. The more ribbons, the more irritated she becomes. If the ribbons are haphazardly placed, she’ll complain, “At least they could line them up properly.” (Our OCD child.) But then again, she’ll make a comment if they are lined up neatly, or has some kind of pattern to the display. She rolls her eyes at the ribbons around the trunk key hole as if they’re trying to be cute.

So, we wondered how long it would take her to notice.

A couple hours later, I get this text message on my cell phone, “DAD! I got ribboned!”

I replied, “Huh?”

She replied, “Someone put ribbons all over my car. I called the police.”

I replied with the picture above with the caption, “Did it look something like this?”

I would have loved to have seen her face when she saw those ribbons.

Come to think of it, it would have been even funnier if she had driven all day around town with those ribbons on her new car before she realized it.

Our focus moves from the inward to the outward as we mingle through this week’s carnival.

Barbara at SFO Mom writes about a child’s honest and simple expression leads to a reflection on Trust Me.

In Tangible Faith, Penitens at A Penitent Blogger reflects on an important aspect of our faith.

In Faith and Life, Kevin at HMS Blog writes a reflection on Sunday’s readings for June 13, focusing on how we need to live to cooperate with God’s plan for our immortality.

Lord God of All Creation at Kicking Over My
Traces creates a small graphical homage sparked by a request for Christian-themed subjects in photography.

With the recent approval by US bishops of the new English Mass translation, Eric at Ales Rarus writes in Language and Order about a quote from Peter Berger’s The Sacred Canopy: Elements of a Sociological Theory of Religion that might provoke interesting discussion.

In The Franciscan Friars of the Renewal, Jay at Living Catholicism reflects on the importance of the mission of the friars.

Carol at Alabama Improper writes about God and sports in Major League Faith Nights.

At Deo Omnis Gloria, Jay recalls some history in regards to problems non-Catholics have with arguing that the Church didn’t want regular Christians to read Scripture in Did the Catholic Church Forbid Christians from Reading the Bible?

Lane at The Blog from the Core starts a ten-part series from Cardinal Newman’s remarkable Lectures on the Present Position of Catholics in England with Protestant View of the Catholic Church. (Lane also includes some background and biographical information.)

Bonus: A podcast is posted by Jim at Universal Call on an interview with psychologist Dr. Joseph Nicolosi on Homosexuality and the Church.