CowPi Journal

Listening to the song “Epiphany” by Staind on the iPod. The music is loud enough to drown out the background noise. At this line, I drift off…

But I know I’ll do the right thing
If the right thing is revealed

The right thing—what is that? Has it been revealed? Yes, of course, in Jesus! The right thing to do is to love—to love God and to love others with all my heart, mind, body, and strength.

That’s right. <grin>

But how do I love?

By being you. Only you can love like you can. I made you that way.

But it seems like there should be more?

That’s the world talking. What more is there than love?

But what about everything else?

Like what?

Justice, mercy, doing good, being a good person, and being happy. Teaching math, doing laundry, cutting grass, and cleaning house.

That is love.

Huh?

That is love. Love is justice. Love is mercy. Love is being a good person. Love is teaching. Doing work, no matter how menial, is an act of love.

Yeah, but…

All is love. Share it. Reflect it. Do it. Be it.

???

Being who you are is love. Be you. Not someone else. Not some image of who you think you should be. Just be you. Be the you I made you to be.

But who am I?

You are love.

Huh? You’re going in circles…

Don’t worry about it. I’ll take of it. Stop trying so hard.

I feel lost. I feel so lonely, so empty at times.

I know.

It hurts. It aches. I’m afraid to despair.

I know. You won’t. Trust me. I’m with you always.

I don’t know who I am.

Yes, you do. You don’t want to admit it. You don’t want to own it. You know in your heart. Just be. Accept my gift of you to you.

I don’t always like who I am.

You don’t like the you who you think you are. Be the who you are.

But how?

Love.

The Lord God then called to the man and asked him, “Where are you?” (Genesis 3:9)

This is, in my opinion, the saddest line in the whole of Scripture. It hints of God’s heart ache for us. It is a response to a choice Adam and Eve made that formed a great chasm between God and us. A chasm we created because of our pride. A chasm we will never be able to bridge by ourselves. Thus the whole saga of salvation history begins, the story of the Bible, from Noah to Abraham to Jesus to Revelation.

“Where are you?” This is the question that touches our deep spiritual loneliness. Where are we? Hiding from shame, pretending we cannot be found the way toddlers cover their eyes in hide-and-seek as if that made them invisible. We run from God to the farthest shores and then throw the question back in defiance. “Where are you, God? Why do my prayers seem to fall on deaf ears?” The Lord knew perfectly well where Adam and Eve were. It is not our physical location that separates us from God, but rather our spiritual condition. Even our ability to perceive God’s presence has been vastly diminished. All our thoughts of God are distorted by…our being curved in on ourselves. The grammar of prayer must account for this separation and the efforts of God has made to cross the divide and restore our capacity for relationship.^†

We think we are the ones searching for God. We are. But in reality, God is searching for us, just like the lost sheep, lost coin, and the lost son (Luke 15) God’s heart aches even than ours for reunion. Because God is looking for us, we are looking for God.

Here I am, Lord. Thank you for seeking me. Help me to stop trying to hide from you, and just be in your presence.

^† Gerrit Scott Dawson, “Prayer in the Triune Life”, Weavings: A Journal of the Christian Spiritual Life, Vol. XVII, no. 3, May/June 2002, special issue called “Prayer”.

From Reference.com:

The most common translation of Pantocrator is “Almighty” or “All-powerful.” In this understanding, Pantokrator is a compound word formed from the Greek words for “all” and the noun “strength” (κρατος). This is often understood in terms of potential power; i.e., able to do anything, or omnipotentent.

Another, less literal translation is “Ruler of All” or “Sustainer of the World.” In this understanding, Pantokrator is a compound word formed from the Greek for “all” and the verb meaning “To accomplish something” or “to sustain something” (κρατεω). This translation speaks more to God’s actual power; i.e., God does everything (as opposed to God can do everything).

…Pantokrator is roughly synonymous with the western concept of omnipotence. But omnipotence is power in stasis while the power of the Pantokrator is dynamic.

As with most things of a spiritual matter, it is not either/or but rather and/both, but I am partial to “Sustainer of All”. Hence, all is gift.

I was in the middle of the first part of a three-step prayer yesterday evening when my whinny little four-year suddenly bursted into my room and demanded he needed a fresh pair socks at that very moment so he could put on his shoes to go back outside. It jolted me out my prayer and I snapped at him.
I had good reasons for snapping at him. He was not going to dirty up another pair of socks this late in the day, especially after having just taken off another pair of socks an hour earlier. He was only going to be outside for five minutes any way before he would be called back in to stay for the evening. He was whinning. He interrupted my special moment in prayer, a prayer of forgiveness and a special request for help for something deficient in myself that I did not like, a something that I had recently became aware of and was finally accepting about myself.
None of these were good reasons to snap at my son. Where was my compassion? A simple and calm “no” would have been the better response. It is true that he would have continued to whine about it, but snapping at him didn’t stop him either. It just forced him to cry to his mom about not getting his way.
I know that all parents have these kinds of moments when they respond in an angerly manner to their child. It is part of living in a family. Learning not to snap at interruptions is part of life.
But I was supposed to be in a moment of prayer. I was trying to be open to God. Anger should not have been my response. I should have also been open to another person. I was being selfish, especially about my prayer time. And my reaction to my son’s interruption drove the point home more than words could.
Mission accomplished, prayer interrupted. It didn’t matter that the tail of the snake was seen as he left the picture. His work was done for the moment. It is not God’s consolation if the tail of the snake can be found in either the beginning, middle, or end.