My Enemies

For a long period after getting serious about reading/praying the psalms, I would always pause a bit when they mentioned enemies. As far as I know, I do not have any personal enemies, at least not from my point of view. More importantly, as a Christian, Jesus said in the Sermon on the Mount that we are to love our enemies. So, I did not know what to do or think or feel when I read about “my enemies” in the psalms.

He snatched me from my powerful foe,
from my enemies whose strength I could not match.
They assailed me in the day of my misfortune,
but the Lord was my support.

— Psalm 18:18-19

Back in February, during the depth of my depression, it was easy for me to identify my enemy as depression. Winston Churchill called it the “black dog”. But when the depression subsided and a more normal life resumed, who or what was my enemy now.

In the book Hind’s Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard, an allegory for the spiritual journey, the main character Much Afraid is assailed by her enemies along the path to the High Places. Twice, her enemies tried to confront her directly, even taking her hand at one point in an attempt to lead her back home down to the Valley of Humiliation. She called out for the Chief Shepherd who came immediately to her rescue. Later, her enemies knew better than to try a frontal attack, so they verbally assaulted her from behind rocks and trees as she traveled up her path.

I have now identified my enemies. Her enemies have become my enemies. And now when I read the psalms, I know what the authors truly meant.

By the way, Much Afraid’s enemies were Fear, Pride, Bitterness, Resentment, and Self-Pity. The second and last ones are particularly sneaky.

Have Known You So Late!

Maybe it was because it took me nearly forty years to finally come to faith (I joke that I am a little slow, kind of like the Israelites, because it took us forty years while it only took Jesus forty days!), or more likely that I manage on a good day to be open to only a small fraction of God’s grace that rains down around me, but the first paragraph of today’s meditation in the Magnificat caused a flood of tears:

At the moment when the mother of Saint Alexis recognized her son in the lifeless body of the beggar who had lived for thirty years under her palace stairway, she cried out, “O my son! that I should have known you so late!…” The soul, at the end of this life, will see at last him whom it possessed in the Eucharist; and, at sight of the consolations, the beauties, the riches that it has disregarded, it too, will cry out: “O Jesus, my Life, my Treasure, my Love, to think that I should have known you so late!…”

— St. John Vianney, the Curé of Ars

But I am consoled to know that be it forty or even eighty years without, that is near to nothing compared to eternity with.

Lord, if I am not within your grace, please put me there. If I am within your grace, please keep me there.

The Passenger

I was driving an old beat up silver Ford van. My friend was sitting in the backseat wearing blue jeans, a white t-shirt and sandals. The middle row of seats had been pulled out long ago. We pulled up and parked in an empty small gravel parking lot on the side of a two-lane road in the middle of the desert. My friend hopped out the side door and walked straight into a wooden-shack of a restaurant as if on a mission.

I slowly exited the driver’s side door and walked around to the back of the van. There was practically no green to be found on the gently rolling desert hills. Only rocks, boulders, and dirt with a rare sage bush dotted here and there. In the clear blue sky, a late morning sun was already beating down and baking the desert floor. Heat waves were shimmering off the blacktop of the road behind me.

To my surprise, this friendly, nearly knee-high, little white fuzzy dog appeared from around the side of the van and approached me, half begging for some attention, half trying to ignore me but not doing a very convincing job of it. I slowly knelt down as my back and leg muscles enjoyed the stretch from the long ride. I reached out my hand and the dog cozied up to me to be petted. The fur was soft and cool. Odd that he would feel cool to the touch with scarcely any shade in sight. Too much fur for an animal in the desert. But the little guy did not seemed to be bothered by the heat.

As I knelt there petting the dog, gazing at the horizon, a slight breeze blew across the desert and touched my face and arms. It felt refreshing. I sank into the moment, absorbed in the softness of the dog’s fur, the contrast of the azure sky with the tans of the desert and the hot sun on my shoulders with the caressingly cool breeze on my face.

My moment was broken when I heard the screen door to the restaurant squeak and close with a clack. I stood up and the little white fuzzy dog stepped back from me a few steps. Our encounter was over. Part of me was eager to get started back on the road. Another part of me wanted to reach out and hold on to that little fuzzy white dog, to cling to that moment of peace. But the moment was over. A new moment was waiting.

By now, my friend had reached the van, but instead of jumping into the open side door and climbing into the backseat where he had been sitting, he smiled at me, opened the front passenger door and hopped into the seat next to the driver’s seat. He leaned his right arm out the window and smiled again at me. The little white fuzzy dog patiently walked to the edge of the gravel parking lot and turned to watch us, wagging his tail, almost in anticipation of something.

I closed the side door of the van and walked around the back of the van to the driver’s side door. As my hand touched the door handle to open it, I paused. A thought occurred to me. I should ask him to drive.

With a sheepish grin on my face, I let go of the handle and walked around the back of the van to the passenger door, to the open window where my friend was, leaning his arm out. I stood there for the briefest of moments looking down at the dust on my shoes. I slowly looked up into his face and asked, “Will you drive?”

He smiled a warm and inviting smile. He gently shook his head and said, “No.”

My heart sank.

“But I would really like you to drive now,” I implored.

“I know,” he said. “I know. But you are not quite ready for that yet.”

“But I really want you to…”

“Soon,” he said confidently, “soon.”

My spirits rose again. He had said “soon.” I can wait for that.

I walked around the back of the van again, hopped into the driver’s seat and started the engine. As I backed up the van, I caught a glimpse of the little white fuzzy dog. He looked as if he was smiling. How could a dog smile?

I popped the gear into drive and pulled up to the edge of the parking lot next to the road. I smiled a little grin towards my friend and asked, “Which way?”

He grinned wide with a sparkle in his eye. He pointed down the road to the right and said, “Let’s go this way.”

Definition of Irony?

I was reading a post on another weblog this morning that reminded me of something. I once saw a bumper sticker on the back of a huge, expensive Ford Expedition SUV. It read,

Don’t let the car fool you.
My real treasure is in heaven.

Does that strike anyone else as ironic?